The Simple Solution to Illegal Immigration

WARNING! THE FOLLOWING COMMENTARY IS GUARANTEED TO MAKE EVERY READER ANGRY! READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!

Can you count the number of times you've heard opinions on the illegal immigrant "problem" in this country over the past few years? I can't. I venture to guess that there have been literally millions of public pronouncements by elected officials and the man in the street that have been published or broadcast in the past couple years. And yet, here we are, still with no viable solution in sight.

In my opinion, the solution to illegal immigration starts with secure borders. Without a secure border there is no way to stop illegal immigration, period. Yes, you can use Mayor Mansoor's tactic of picking up jaywalkers, errant bicycle riders and loiterers along with those dangerous felons he allegedly wanted to get off the streets and deport them. When they come back to continue to try to earn a living here they can be arrested as a felon and thrown in jail for a very significant period of time, adding to the crisis of overcrowding in our jails. Following their release they would be once again deported and the dance begins all over again.

And, how do we secure the border, you ask? Well, obviously, it's not by building a seven hundred mile long fence - a fence on which at least one contractor used illegal immigrants as laborers. Fences have not worked in the past and won't work in the future. I have a much better, much more cost effective idea. From Cambodia to Kosovo, this idea has been time-tested in most conflicts between neighboring countries throughout the past century. Much as abstinence is guaranteed to stop unwanted pregnancy - it works every time - my solution is guaranteed to stop unwanted "invaders" from wandering across our border. It's simple to install, requires virtually no maintenance and is guaranteed to stop anyone from walking across our borders uninvited.

That solution is land mines.

That's right, those nasty little buggers that can disintegrate the lower half of your body if you step on one. There are others that are spring-loaded and, once tripped, pop up to shoulder height and explode, shredding anyone within 50 yards with shrapnel. It sounds like the perfect solution to me - if we're serious about securing our borders.

I was right, wasn't I? You're angry at me right now, right? Well, think about it. Just scribe out a strip of property inside our border of, say, 300 yards. Then have the military fly along the center of that section and distribute those nasty little land mines that can blow a body to bits when touched. It's the perfect solution! Oh, sure, you'll probably lose a few dozen people the first couple weeks as they traipse through the mine fields and get blown half-way back to Jalisco, but it wouldn't take long for the word to get around before the migration would stop. And after all, what's a few disemboweled and dismembered Mexicans in the grand scheme of things, right?

Are you angry yet? Are you disgusted with me for even suggesting something like this? Good - you should be.

Of course, I'm not serious about using land mines to stop illegal immigrants from continuing to flow unimpeded across our border. It's a terrible, disgusting, inhumane idea. My point was to get your attention. Now, once you've stopped hyperventilating, I want you to drop me a little note - comment or email - and give me your solution to securing our borders, because our government's half-hearted efforts have not worked. Let's hear your ideas. If you don't want your comments posted on this site just send me an email - the address is on my Profile.

And, for goodness sake, stop yelling at your computer! I warned you at the beginning that this would make you angry.